Archive for the ‘authority figures’ Category

It might seem odd to you to see this post here, but someone reached out to me via my linkedn.com account and mentioned this book: My Body Belongs to Me Written by Jill Starishevsky is a prosecutor of child abuse and sex crimes in New York City, Starishevshky penned this book to Me to teach children that if someone touches them inappropriately to tell a parent or teacher right away.

This book is child-friendly and very accessible and speaks to them on their own ground and in their own terms. This highly acclaimed book sensitively establishes boundaries for youngsters in a non-threatening, engaging manner. Think of it as a guide that teaches kids that when it comes to their body, that there are some parts that are for “no one else to see” and empowers them to tell a parent or teacher if someone touches them inappropriately. Handled quite deftly, this narrative assures children of any age that sexual molestation is not their fault, and by speaking out, the child will continue to grow big and strong. Extremely important is the post-story discussion section entiteld “Suggestions for the Storyteller” to help parents, care-givers, and educators a path to encourage a comfortable discussion afterwards, thereby helping to prevent the unthinkable from happening to any child. Given the Oscar-nominated movie now out on DVD, Precious, and Mo’nique’s Oscar win for “Precious”. Mo’nique’s eloquence concerning child sexual abuse, it’s apparent we — as a society– not only need to have a grasp on this discussion, but on this burning issue. Considering that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually molested are not statistics that can be ignored. This is horrifying and would probably be higher if parents and educators made sure that kids knew that they could be safe in “telling” on someone who has touched them inappropriately. One might think that parents/family, educators and physicians are addressing this matter with our children to keep them tools and help prevent them from becoming victims in the first place. Unfortunately, many parents do not know how or when to begin when it comes to discussing child sexual abuse prevention and so they avoid the discussion entirely. This approach (or lack of approach) puts our children at risk. Finally, there is a tool to make the discussion as easy as.. well as easy as reading a book to a child. This book enables anyone– from the clergy, physicians, parents/family and also educators to address this issue safely and honestly. The illustrations are well done and the message of what is right and wrong is compelling and encouraging. My Body Belongs to Me is highly recommended by parents, teachers, physicans and widely used by experts in conjunction with their child safety presentations.

Comments and endorsements from other organizations and notables.

“With an easy rhyme and attractive pictures, this book will help both adults and children enter into a conversation about a subject that is often extremely hard for anyone to speak about, privately or publicly.” -Pamela Pine, PhD, MPH Founder and CEO Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse, Inc., www.stopcsa.org

“Prevention is key when it comes to children’s personal safety. Kudos to Ms. Starishevsky for taking on this project.” -Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT Licensed family and child therapist, Founder, www.TheGoToMom.TV

“The author skillfully captures an extremely difficult subject using simple language any child can understand.” -Christine Louise Hohlbaum Author, “Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff”

This is an important– and necessary– book given today’s world. When you look at “PRECIOUS” and realize that this is happening all over the world– not just the US — and it’s cruel beyond belief for the child because they are told never to tell — and that it’s their fault which destroys the child forever. Give children the power to tell and reinforce it. Why is this coming up here? Because as a child, I was sexually molested and it haunted me for a long time. I told my mother– yet she did nothing because she didn’t know what to do. I was told to never tell because no one would ever want me. Imagine what it was like to grow up thinking no one would ever want me– and the decades of therapy I have gone through to get to the strength to say, yes I can stand up and fight for others. I have done my time volunteering at shelters and child abuse centers. Here is one more easily accessible tool that will make it easy for you to protect your children– or the children of others.

What’s your “perfect world”? LPW

Shifting Tides

I am driven to the edge by feelings of anger and lust which consume me. Filled with shame and guilt, betrayed by a future that may only come to pass as a product of madness. Should such a price be paid that freedom of mind can only be gained by complete and utter denial of that which lies dormant within myself,–that which is innate and vital to the very core of my existence?

• Am I to believe that all I have ever felt must be discarded and forgotten?
• Where is the honor in that?
• What is the truth?

By whose laws do I persist in the world and whose will is it that my unchosen path seems to resist?

If all that is real can only be manifest at the total dissolution of myself then am I insane not to long for some solemn gesture of retreat back into the dream? Should I not loathe my awakening?

Is that not the paradox which faces every man seeking answers in the waning hours of the night? Once awakened to the light, you can never again escape into the twilight like the shadows of the early morning occurring just before the sun is born into the day.

To fight what ‘is’ no longer presents itself as a choice. The rules that governed your progress have been destroyed. You fate is no longer written in the stars. You are free!

Lifting your head up and moving forward is all that remains. Yesterday is gone and you must realize that the keys to tomorrow can only be acquired before the setting of our most local star. Who is it that has lost his way?

Who is it that is crossing the threshold and now sees his path?

Is denying the self for the benefit of the many really all that different from denying the many for the benefit of the self? At the climax of all things, was there truly ever any difference at all?

Our minds foolishly stricken with duality, our perception is flawed. Consciousness could not perceive itself and so we are divided. So, here we are at last. Why?

There is nothing…

But I still don’t understand. Don’t worry, we weren’t meant to understand.

Just be as you are and follow the shifting tides of you mind.

Jeheshua

What’s your “perfect world”?
LPW

Manipulation — part 2

Many people steal, rob, and manipulate to get by. That is just the nature of prison. We are just victims of our environment. To most people who live outside, we deserve everything we get because ” let’s face it, we are criminals”. . I mean we are different aren’t we? Then again, maybe we are all the same.

Aren’t our prisons just a reflection of our society’s biggest flaws ? In reality, a chin is only as strong as its’ weakest link . The problem isn’t truly crime and criminals. The real problem is the necessities and traits that create crime and criminals. The real problem is poverty. We can’t just lock everyone up and hope they are rehabilitating themselves. We have to help them. We have to realize that prisoners are no different than citizens. We all lie, manipulate and steal to a certain degree. If your survival depended on how well you could manipulate another human being, you would become very good at it.

People sell drugs to feed their families. In return, addicts lie, cheat and steal to feed their addiction. These problems no longer belong to criminals alone. They belong to us all as one nation as one world. Our culture is falling apart because we have become so selfish and insecure that we would build our lives on the failures of others. . We take advantage of each other. I am a criminal, but the guy on Wall Street who just embezzled 2 billion dollars is a hero. We hurt each other everyday and our children see us do it. What do you think they will do when given the chance.

As a nation, we can fix this, but we need to stop looking at what everyone else is doing wrong and start looking in the mirror. I have accepted responsibility for my actions and I am doing my best to steer my ever-changing life in a better direction.

What about you?

Jeheshua.

What’s your “perfect world”?
LPW

Manipulation

When I was housed at a major institution, I thought that I had seen it all, I thought that I had encountered every dirty, underhanded trick, ever crooked angle and heard every possible lie in existence, but I was wrong, Now, here at a road-camp for low security level prisoners, I must endure more. So very different in appearance, this place is still so very much the same.

Everything about this place differs but only on the surface. When it comes right down to it, most people that I have met are all right, but there are those who play games. They will try to befriend you–not because they think you are funny or because you have things in common, but because they are in need of your help (so to speak). They are either broke, scared or they believe that they can manipulate you into making their situation better.

There are a few different approaches. Let’s start at the top. One way is to lend you something when you first arrive so that when they ask for your assistance later on, you will feel obligated. Another way is the old “poor me” scam. (This is the one that is the hardest to spot if done correctly). They have soup, but if they only had crackers or if they have soup and crackers, but if only they had some cheese. Then they have soup, crackers and cheese but if only they had a soda. The good ones never actually ask for anything. They just subtly imply and because of your pity, you give what you can.

There are many different ways to use another human being but in the end, the result is always the same. The people who do these things are actors (very good ones at that) They are your friends and associates up until the moment that you find out the truth and for many it is too late. After all, this is a prison and there is not much room for mistakes.

Jeheshua

What’s your “perfect world”?
LPW

Enlightenment

“What is real? What is dreamt? And what, my friends, is the difference? ”

When I was growing up, the passing moments of my life seemed so trivial. They seemed to be so unimportant and as a result I never paid much attention to the changes that I imposed upon the world around me– the world that sustained me. The world that I would one day help destroy.

Now with my world so utterly reased from existence by my own hand, I am force to live in someone else’s world. I am force to live someone else’s lies. I am force to follow someone else’s rules and there is no one to blame for this current state of affairs except myself.

So with all of this established, I guess the only remaining question would be , “what now?” Do I rebel or do I make the best of what I have? I struggle to ask myself that question everyday. I struggle to ask it so that I will never forget what is at stake. Things like my sanity, my freedom, and my true place in this jigsaw puzzle called life.

I have realized that I can no longer live in the wake of my past mistakes. That life that has passed is no longer viable. It is no more tangeable than the dreamscape plot of a Sunday afternoon nap. In opposition, I have recognized I can no longer feed upon daydreams of a future that has yet to be written.

What has happened is gone and what will be will be . the only truth left is now. Here in this moment, I can find freedom, Here in this moment, I can let go of the prejudice that keeps me frozen still in a world of constant change. Here and now life’s imperfect beauty is pure. Here is where we realize that perfection lies in our ability to understand that it doesn’t exist. Now is when we finally see that our flaws are our greatest source of hope, and to see and realize those two truths is the very basis of a spiritual life. In fact, I would call it enlightenment.

Jeheshua

GODS

anyone who struggles will adapt and grow. That is a natural law. The trick is the correct amount of the pressure in the right area to reap the required results. Growth is a good thing when one grows in the right direction.

All roads will eventually lead to the same destination. However some travelers will reach that destination much sooner and with less scrapes and bruises . If one reaches a state of harmony with their true will then they will be in harmony with the surrounding universe. And if they abide in such harmony then they will transcend any accepted concept of pain and suffering.

If any instance of suffering is taken as a mere feedback and used for the sole purpose of learning from that particular moment of life experience then every future moment of apparent pain and suffering will be transformed into a direct cause of enlightenment.

The key is to let go of the urge to escape situations that we perceive as a threat to our ego selves and to embrace all of life wholeheartedly. We must take hold of the wheel and steer ourselves to freedom. Your demons are just as much a part of you as your God is. If you attempt to deny the influx of the realization into your life thank you debase the most basic law of our existence. Without darkness there can be no light. Without evil, how would we know good and without pain, we could never fully grown into the Gods that we were meant to become.

Jeheshua

What’s your “perfect world”?
LPW

Do Nothing

In obscuring truth, word after word we as conscious beings, remain bound to suffering by our concepts. Truth is not contained within the narrow constructs of language itself. Through a voice or pen and paper only a representation of what is actual can be manifested. Preoccupied by the reflection of reality, we allow life’s beauty to escape unobserved. We become distracted by the pointing finger and fail to see the radiance to which it points. In seeing we are made blind and in knowing our ignorance is secured.

Enlightenment is an ongoing process, not a final goal. There is no attainment to be sought, no levels of completion and no progress to be graded. There is no end to the journey. There is not even a path to be followed. There is only the realization of essential nature to be uncovered. What is called enlightenment is already present. It is our true nature. It is not “out there somewhere” . It is right here, right now and when realized, it is as a candle being lit, washing away the darkness. Enlightenment is effortless and displayed in this very moment. All that need be done is to do nothing.

What’s your “perfect world”?
LPW

We are judged, by others, in accordance with our acctions in this world. I have taken the lives of two women by drinking and driving. I know how this makes me look but there are things about me that no one knows. I have saved more than one life in my time on this planet as well. I once carried a pregnant woman having a seizure through a rain storm to a waiting ambulance four blocks away. I don’t think there was a reason for me doing this other than she needed my help. I did not know this woman or her husband. I once pulled a man from a burning vehicle that he had flipped over in a rainstorm. I didn’t think about my own safety. All I knew was that he needed my help. I did not know this man. When I was 17 years old, I saw an old man fall and hit his head. Ihe was bleeding terribly. While everyone else stood there and did nothing, I pulled off my shirt and stopped the bleeding. When the ambulence arrived, I disappeared. i did not know this man. All I knew was that he needed my help. In all three instances, I acted out of compassion. I did not stick around to receive thanks or a pat on the back. Knowing that I had done what I could was enough for me. These are some of the things that very few people know about me. yes, I have made mistakes in my life, one huge one in particular. I deserve to be judged by the whole of my existence in this place and that judgement should not come from your or anyone else. you are not worthy because we have all made mistakes. Trust me on this, I have judge myself more harshly than you or anyone else. In making this judgement, I have considered all the facts and I have decided I am forgiven. This one moment of ignorance does not define who I am. My ife is worth so much more than that and there is more more to live.

Jeheshua

Memories of days past, days when we were either too ignorant or too blind to see the blessing that would soon slip through our fingers. Days when we follishly squandered any hope for real and lasting happiness that we may have posessed. Days when we cared more for our own selfish concerns than that of the woman we loved. A Day of adolesence when I broke the heart of the only one who ever truly cared for me. O, how I long for the return of such days. Oh how I long to have a change to right those wrongs that I committed so many years ago., but that sadly and so completely is where such intentions will have to end.

Falling short of redemption seems to be what I am destined to amount to. yet my unfinished intent is not because of a lack of desire. It is beacause I am not worthy of your forgiveness and understanding. It is because my sense of remorse is only another mask- a mask that covers selfish concerns concealed deep withing. And no matter how well these concerns are disguised, even from my own eyes, they are still selfish. So as it is, such a dream of restoring your respect and love is far beyond reach. But one is still entitled to their dreams no matter how unreachable they may be. Until such a day of complete grace, I will remain trapped beneath the torpid waves of my aching heart, not breathing but asleep. not dead, but dreaming– dreaming of days past, dreaming of you.

Jeheshua

While in “living in a perfect world” has been dealing with the passing of a parental figure —absent and abusive though he was— the other parental type figures in life have been showing signs of rapid aging and health issues. Discussing this less than perfect situation and the probability that dealing with funerals or at the very least hospitals is in the near future with someone, prompted Lark Lennox to submit this post to Livinginaperfectworld.com

A friend wrote that he was thinking of me and apologized because it wasn’t flowers or jewelry.

Sympathy Bouquet — 1800flowers.com

This is my response:

It’s funny about the flowers and jewelry thing. Part of me still has romantic notions about stuff like that, but, truly, I already have some nice jewelry—courtesy of my mother.

My father rarely gave her jewelry, but when he did, it was exquisite—not metal and stones, but art.

I wear a locket that my father gave to my mother early in their marriage. I regret never asking what the occasion was, but when I look at family photos, she’s wearing it early on in their marriage. In her final years, she wore it almost constantly, even if she was wearing another necklace. (I hope this doesn’t sound “fancy-shmancy”. We were definitely NOT nouveau riche or any kind of riche!)

The locket contained a picture of my father.

In early 2002, shortly after my husband and I separated, my father had a “cerebral event” that left him in very bad condition. I was a mess because of the marital problems; I couldn’t eat or sleep. Going back and forth to DC and seeing my parents in such sad shape added to my angst.

At some point, my mother took off the locket and put it on me. Not to “give” but to “lend” it to me to give me strength. I added a tiny picture of my mother to the other side of the locket. I liked having my parents together like that.

Over the next few years, the locket went back and forth between us. When she got sick, I insisted that she keep the locket. Finally, of course, the locket came back to me. On the day of my mother’s funeral, just before the service began, I realized that she should have it one more time, so I laid the locket on the casket.
(Things like that are probably very inappropriate for Jews, but, as my sister-in-law said, “She’s your mother. You can do anything you want.”) Janet took a picture of me, with the casket in the background (also a no-no, you can be sure), but I am comforted by the whole thing.

How can any gift of jewelry even try to compete with that? (Though I would love for my heart to be so thoroughly taken by someone that even a Cracker Jax trinket could trump it.)

So the only gift I really want is time—time with my loved ones, time in good health, time to gather more people to my heart.

Lark Lennox

My deepest thanks and appreciation to Lark Lennox for the thoughtful commentary. Living in a Perfect World